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Personal Stories

2018 is the Year of Allowing

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Yes, yes I know. Resolutions are typically posted immediately following the New Year, not when you’re right smack in the middle of summer, almost halfway into the year. But this isn’t a resolution per se. It’s a realization that I had a while back.

What do I mean by allowing here? It’s the same concept repeated over and over in The Secret or other courses in the law of attraction, such as that of Ask and It Is Given by Abraham Hicks. Basically, you create your own reality and for this to happen you have to “allow” it to happen. But for the majority of people, this is an abstract idea – easy to understand than practice.

You see, starting from childhood, in fact, at the very moment that we are born here on earth, we are programmed in specific ways such that we build our own blocks against happiness.

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So, one day at work, while I was trying to resolve a ticket, I was (again) consumed by anxiety. It wasn’t as terrible as before, but it was there. Out of the blue, I thought to myself, “Why don’t I allow myself to be happy?”

It went on to this: Why do I linger on these worries or continue to think lowly of myself, even though I’d proven time and again that I can efficiently do my job? Granted, I’m a journalism grad and hence I lacked solid educational background in the field I shifted into (software engineering), but I’m smart. I’m a bit lazy at times, yes, but it’s easy for me to learn and understand new concepts and this is why my transition is relatively smooth.

I then thought about how I “sabotage” myself in other areas as well, by not allowing things or opportunities to come to me. How? Through self-limiting beliefs. We build self-limiting beliefs from past experiences or worries for the future.

Here are some of mine I’ve listed down.

  • Surprise opportunities happen to other people, but not to me. Specifically, this applies to job opportunities such as getting accepted into a good company or work/business trip abroad.
  • When I invest on expensive items, it will immediately get broken or stolen. A few years ago I bought a new phone for about P11-13k (this is my “expensive” gauge for a smartphone), and after a few weeks the screen showed some dead pixels. Then it got stolen.
  • I’m never attractive or beautiful enough. When I was in college, I had terrible acne problems and excessive weight, partly due to health reasons. My favorite color was black. I carried this through to adulthood and struggled with it for years. It didn’t help that I live with some relatives who constantly put me down. As such, even with clear skin and lost weight, I’m still an insecure person inside.

So as you see, if there’s anything common in all these, it’s that I don’t allow good things to happen to me. I immediately block them by believing these don’t happen to me, and even when they do, that they aren’t real or they won’t last for long.

We go through life, unaware that we are carrying these blocks. Oftentimes, a sudden epiphany or good self-reflection will make us aware of it.

I meditated on these things for a while and told myself that this pattern needs to stop.

Atuh Beach in Nusa Penida

This year, I decided, I’ll allow myself to be happy.

Changing beliefs requires a methodology, if you will, a step-by-step approach that goes on for week and even months, and some say it’s easy as flipping a switch. I’d like to believe that it’s indeed like flipping a switch.

I’ll be open to good things to come to me easily and effortlessly. I’ll be open to new opportunities, envisioned or in surprise. I’ll be more loving to myself, I’ll no longer shy away from compliments on my looks and instead express gratitude. I’ll invest in things with confidence and knowing that I have sufficient resources to do so, that the universe is there to provide and guide me all the way. I’ll allow myself to be fully myself and to shine.

2018 is my year of allowing.

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